I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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