he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
