im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
