Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
