I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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