i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
