Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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