Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
