I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
