Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
