Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
