Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
