you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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