I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
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She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
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I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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