Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
