my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
