it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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