the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
