why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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