Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
