had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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