community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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