Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
