So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize