also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Drake has all the answers
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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