these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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