i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
