I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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