At least make sure they are 18
Why
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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