STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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