i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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