That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
