You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
