Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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