I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
