I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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