i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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