have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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