This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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