help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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