My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
