This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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