Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
