i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
