I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
