I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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