I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
