So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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