Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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