Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize