Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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