I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
