just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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