taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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