Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
