Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
