Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
