i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
