Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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