maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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