I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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