I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
