he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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