these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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