My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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