peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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