dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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