get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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