I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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