A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
