I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
