As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
