Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
