I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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