I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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