I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Found the puke drawer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I am naked and annoyed.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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