so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
