I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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