What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
